Part 14, Jan. 16, 2009
URGENT MESSAGE TO PRINCESS YODA FROM COMMANDER BLACKIE
COPY TO ALL SUPPORT TROOPS
Yo,
Yo-yo. I have been trying to get you the following information by
Three Kitty Telepathy for over a week! I fear the cattle on the
Jenner Grade may be the problem. The cattle may be
intercepting my messages through the use on non-government sanctioned
illegal wiretaps on the telepathy line, 1-800-WE THINK. (For
all Support Troops who aren't familiar with the battle terrain, the
Jenner Grade is an 8 mile stretch of Hwy 1 where the road curves
back and forth while hanging on the side of a cliff many hundred feet
above the ocean. The local beef cattle are permitted to use
the road in their wanderings. [Beef cattle aren't petite,
pampered princesses like dairy cows. Beef cattle are BIG, SLOW
AND STUPID.])
If the cattle aren't the problem, please get off
your little royal butt (They aren't making royal children like they
used to.) and immediately begin preparations for the return of Jan and
Commander Blackie to headquarters in Point Arena. OUR RETURN WILL
OCCUR ON SATURDAY MORNING, JANUARY 24. As you suggested, while we
were away, I have spent many hours on THE LAP keeping it warm and am
now ready to return control of THE LAP to you. It will probably
take a few extra days before THE SEDAN CHAIR will be ready for service
but Jan has told me in confidence that it will be ready soon.
Jan
has been going out 5 days a week for her dates with the Giant Electric
Toaster. Any side-effects of these meetings have been minimized
and controlled with the use of small amounts of Imodium and a daily
dose of an energy-boosting herbal supplement called Pycnogenol (made
from the bark of French maritime pine bark). Thanks to the
Pycnogenol, Jan actually has more energy than I do when my toys
attack. There are only 4 Toaster rendezvous dates left.
There are, however, 2 dates left with R2D2 - a super-secret WMD that
the Knuclear Krew uses. R2D2 houses an actual tiny piece of
radioactive metal that is, by remote control, inserted into Jan's body
(for about a minute) to kill off any al
Qancer cells that might be
lurking. For the women among the support troops, you can probably
guess where the metal is inserted. For the men, don't bother.
The
dates for the resumption of work for the Khemical Korps are now also
known. The Khemical Korps wants Jan to have a few weeks off in
February before they start their second attack wave. As before,
there will be 2 stages for the khemical attack. The first stage
will commence on February 24. The second will be on March
17. After a sufficient recovery time, Jan is planning on resuming
her life in early Summer.
While here in el-FOT (the Forward
Observation Tower), Jan has identified two bird species that were new
to her, the Nuttall's Woodpecker and the Plain Titmouse. She is
now watching the trees outside the patio more regularly. Jan is
amazed that the birds here are so different from those in the coastal
pine forest in Point Arena.
Also, Princess Yoda, please notify Jack to have proper provisions put in and my litter box scooped. WE'RE COMING HOME.
Until next time, from our almost secret, remote location, your Three Kitty Kombatants, Commander Blackie and
J -