Part 14, Jan. 16, 2009



Yo,  Yo-yo.  I have been trying to get you the following information by Three Kitty Telepathy for over a week!  I fear the cattle on the Jenner Grade may be the problem.  The cattle may be intercepting my messages through the use on non-government sanctioned illegal wiretaps on the telepathy line, 1-800-WE THINK.  (For all Support Troops who aren't familiar with the battle terrain, the Jenner Grade is an 8 mile stretch of Hwy 1 where the road curves back and forth while hanging on the side of a cliff many hundred feet above the ocean.  The local beef cattle are permitted to use the road in their wanderings.  [Beef cattle aren't petite, pampered princesses like dairy cows.  Beef cattle are BIG, SLOW AND STUPID.])

If the cattle aren't the problem, please get off your little royal butt (They aren't making royal children like they used to.) and immediately begin preparations for the return of Jan and Commander Blackie to headquarters in Point Arena.  OUR RETURN WILL OCCUR ON SATURDAY MORNING, JANUARY 24.  As you suggested, while we were away, I have spent many hours on THE LAP keeping it warm and am now ready to return control of THE LAP to you.  It will probably take a few extra days before THE SEDAN CHAIR will be ready for service but Jan has told me in confidence that it will be ready soon.

Jan has been going out 5 days a week for her dates with the Giant Electric Toaster.  Any side-effects of these meetings have been minimized and controlled with the use of small amounts of Imodium and a daily dose of an energy-boosting herbal supplement called Pycnogenol (made from the bark of French maritime pine bark).  Thanks to the Pycnogenol, Jan actually has more energy than I do when my toys attack.  There are only 4 Toaster rendezvous dates left.  There are, however, 2 dates left with R2D2 - a super-secret WMD that the Knuclear Krew uses.  R2D2 houses an actual tiny piece of radioactive metal that is, by remote control, inserted into Jan's body (for about a minute) to kill off any 
al Qancer cells that might be lurking.  For the women among the support troops, you can probably guess where the metal is inserted.  For the men, don't bother.

The dates for the resumption of work for the Khemical Korps are now also known.  The Khemical Korps wants Jan to have a few weeks off in February before they start their second attack wave.  As before, there will be 2 stages for the khemical attack.  The first stage will commence on February 24.  The second will be on March 17.  After a sufficient recovery time, Jan is planning on resuming her life in early Summer.

While here in el-FOT (the Forward Observation Tower), Jan has identified two bird species that were new to her, the Nuttall's Woodpecker and the Plain Titmouse.  She is now watching the trees outside the patio more regularly.  Jan is amazed that the birds here are so different from those in the coastal pine forest in Point Arena.

Also, Princess Yoda, please notify Jack to have proper provisions put in and my litter box scooped.  WE'RE COMING HOME.

Until next time, from our almost secret, remote location, your Three Kitty Kombatants, Commander Blackie and

J -

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